Offensive Slang

Sometimes everything works out great in Israel. Other times, no so much so. I recently had a run in with the dark side of Israelis, the park ranger with a bad attitude. No, I don’t mean Clint Eastwood style, rather a small Israeli park ranger. She was probably doing her national service, and had the misfortune to get stuck in the middle of nowhere under the blazing sun humoring the likes of me.

Normally, Israelis find it endearing when you say things like the Hebrew equivalent of "what's up dude", the untranslatable "kaparah alayich, einiem sheli, nishama." This literally means something like "an offering on you, my eyes, soul". Its one of those things you just have to say a million times to smirking Israelis before it makes sense. Anyway, trying to be cute and outgoing, I naturally slipped into some slang while looking for my park ticket. Big mistake, the diminutive ranger went ballistic. Not just the usual ranting, but psycho screaming. Apologizing profusely, I slunk back to the car and did not enter the park. I don’t think the Canadian in me could stand to make someone so mad I could literally see the steam pouring out of her ears. I was later told she was just having a bad day, but it really made me think.

I guess the moral of the story is to use slang cautiously, you never know who you might inadvertently offend. Wait, a real Israeli wouldn’t care who they offend… Well, its back to the drawing board…

Rabbinate without borders

I found this article very interesting, another attack by Amos Harel of the rabanut. I would talk to the average secular soldier about the amazing shabbat in Jerusalem experience and what they take away from their service having learned more about their culture and faith, making them better civilians. Read the article and judge for yourself.

Rabbinate without borders
By Amos Harel - Haaretz

Capt. David Shapira, the paratroop officer who stopped a killing spree in Jerusalem's Mercaz Harav Yeshiva last March by killing the terrorist, recalled his experience on Monday in an interview with Army Radio. Divine grace, he told interviewer Ilana Dayan, was with him that night. He did not assault the terrorist with his M-16 rifle alone; he was guided by the divine power of faith.

Shapira is not exceptional. At an Israel Defense Forces conference a few weeks ago a battalion commander protested what he viewed as the critical tone of guest lecturers from outside the army. "I have soldiers who were killed for the sanctity of the land in Gaza," he said. The lecturers were upset: since when do IDF soldiers talk like that? But the officer refused to concede. Upon leaving the conference, he encountered a brigadier general who encouraged him. Don't let them confuse you, the brigadier general advised the lieutenant colonel. You're right. Incidentally, both officers are secular.

The IDF is changing before our eyes. It speaks a different language than it did a decade ago. This change has not been imposed from above; it came from below, from the platoon and company commanders. There is no point or justification for fighting this development when some 40 percent of recent officer course graduates wear skullcaps. The left's response - that it must send more kibbutz members to officers' school in order to "stop the religious takeover" - sounds arrogant and empty. Whether due to education, ideology or achievement orientation, the fact is that the religious Zionist community sends its sons to front-line units and officers' courses in greater numbers than any other segment of society. The army will have to learn to meet them halfway on noncritical issues. A religious combat soldier should not be forced to listen to a female singer or be taught by female sports instructors wearing shorts.

But there are times when the army gets confused. A good example is the behavior of the IDF's chief rabbi, Brig. Gen. Avichai Ronski. Two months ago, Haaretz published an investigative report on how the rabbinate has taken over the IDF's educational programs and injected extremist content into the explanatory talks it gives to soldiers. Since then, new evidence has accumulated. Ronski gives Torah classes in jails, including to convicted Jewish terrorists; the rabbinate conducted a tour of Hebron for soldiers in Military Intelligence in which they met with Rabbi Dov Lior (who compared the dismantling of the Federman Farm outpost to his family's expulsion by the Gestapo); a settler accused of assaulting and wounding Palestinians is currently spending his house arrest in Ronski's home.

In response to the Haaretz report, Chief of Staff Gabi Ashkenazi instructed the head of the IDF's Personnel Directorate to reexamine the boundaries between the Education Corps and the rabbinate. Since then, however, not much has changed. In a recent letter to his staff, Ronski informed them that it was business as usual.

A green folder in Ronski's office contains printouts of the emails he received following the Haaretz report. The commander of the Golani Brigade's reconnaissance unit, the commander of the Shavta Base and the chief medical officer's aide in charge of dentistry all expressed shock at Haaretz's "tendentious and baseless" reports and encouraged him to continue his important work. Ronski is convinced that the troops are with him.

In his view, the Torah is not Judaica; it is not a museum exhibit. Its essence is its national aspect, the connection to the Land of Israel. He is not the chief rabbi for religious soldiers only, nor is he the army's chief kashrut supervisor. That is not why he returned to full-time service after 30 years in the reserves. If his activities are restricted, he would prefer to return to his 200 students at the yeshiva in the settlement of Itamar, most of whom are combat soldiers.

Next October, his term of office expires. Ronski is afraid that his successor will be more in the "Zionist ultra-Orthodox" mode - a group that causes less consternation among the influential leftist media, which he himself refuses to read.

In Ronski's view, his staff has merely filled the vacuum left by the Education Corps. A Shabbat in the Jewish Quarter of Jerusalem's Old City, under the rabbinate's auspices, is preferable to a vacation weekend in Ashkelon. On one side of the scale is values-based education, to bolster the recruits' morale by finally showing them what they are fighting for. On the other is the "Sunday culture" of stand-up comics and American movies.

Ronski consistently preaches against draft dodging - a view that requires a non-negligible amount of fortitude given his ideological milieu. He has greatly strengthened the rabbinate's connection with combat units and introduced more reserve combat officers into the rabbinate's ranks. But overall, the impression is that no one is supervising or counterbalancing the messages his rabbis are giving combat soldiers - least of all the IDF chief rabbi himself, who has said in private conversations that in his view, "overall, a religious soldier fights better than a secular one."

That is a narrow-minded, arrogant view that reflects contempt not only for the Education Corps, but for the army's (still) secular majority. Its rationale is also dubious: If the IDF failed in Lebanon two years ago because of its "combat values," as Ronski claims, how does that fit with the fact that so many of the junior officers were religious, and thus presumably brimming with values?

Ashkenazi did not appoint Ronski as the IDF's chief rabbi; he inherited him from his predecessor as chief of staff, Dan Halutz. But it seems that he would be wise to summon Ronski and make it clear, once and for all, where the boundaries of an IDF chief rabbi's activity and speech properly lie.

Cooking Loof

The proverb “revenge is a dish best served cold” obviously applies to loof. It would seem that not only does loof get its gastronomic revenge on your eventually, its effects can be exacerbated by heating it up. While on a camping trip recently, I figured it would be brilliant to stick an open can on a camp stove and heat up a nice can of chicken loof. I never understood why it was always eaten cold in the army, I found that with enough mustard, it was even palatable. It was also the one thing no one ever wanted, so whenever we had a meal in the field, it was great to be the only one of a hundred people who would actually eat the stuff.

I quickly found out that heating loof is perhaps not the best idea, as huge black clouds started billowing from the small stove and a horrible smell emerged. I would equate the smell of cooking/burning loof with the smell of cooking an entire cat, but since I have never had cat, I can’t say for sure. Regardless, I would recommend eating it out of the can cold, slicing it and cooking with it, dicing it, etc. I have heard quite a few stories of cutting it up, sticking it into a small pan, and cooking it on the engine of a tank, I am sure this is a better smelling and tasting was to cook loof.

Enjoy, and don’t forget to send me your favourite loof recipes!

Ode to a Phigeon

A Phigeon and I sat for a cup of tea,
I looked at him, he looked at me.

How did he taste, I thought,
He wondered the same,
The taste of chicken coursing through my brain.
He tempted me and taunted,
Rubbed me with sauce,
But in the end it was futile, simply his loss.

While we both lived to die another day,
I somehow feel the Phigeon wont come back to play.

Ode to a sandwich

I always knew you were the one for me,
Open face and hot,
You are the greatest bun,
I really like you a lot.

Do you like toppings,
Lots of tasty treats,
I like everything,
Including piles of meat.

Load my sandwich up for me,
This is what Ill have,
Give me everything you got,
Just don’t make me mad.

Rye is nice,
Pastrami too,
How about some kugel,
And a pickle or two?

Chicken salad,
Mashed potatoes,
Rice and gravy,
Pickled tomatoes.

Burgers with meat,
Platters of deli,
I want it all,
In my belly.

You’re the best sandwich I ever did see,
That’s how I knew you were the one for me.

Food, a Road Trip and Friends

I was thinking about writing something, but I cant remember what I was thinking of writing. I was positive it had something to do with food, a road trip and friends, so here goes.

I woke up, confused, not sure where I was. Staggering out of the car into the freezing cold, I noticed we were in a gas station. I looked at my watch and realized I had been sleeping for at least the past eight hours, and really needed to pee. Once I had answered the call of nature, I headed back to the car and slept until I was awoken by the smell of fresh deep fried chicken. That was a very strange trip to Washington DC and Silverspring, Maryland. It was made stranger still by the many police stops while driving back to Canada, it seems that I was in the back sleeping each time and my friend was driving, apparently just a bit too fast. But this story was not about any of those things, in fact, it’s the story of a completely different road trip.

In this completely different story, I was with a bunch of friends in New York on a road trip. One of my friends, being very into food and teenage hi-jinx, stopped into a popular restaurant and ordered us all food. While we were waiting, he dumped the toppings and condiments intended for several hundred into his cooler and we spent the next four days eating relish and pickled onions.

It does not seem like that’s what I was thinking of either. I guess I can try one last time to jog my old tired memory into the right story.

There was this one time I was fishing with a friend in the boat a couple of kilometers downriver from the small Northern town my family was living in at the time. After an hour or so of trolling for bites, the engine suddenly spluttered and stopped. We tried pumping the gas, kicking the engine, praying for a miracle, but nothing worked and we were stuck, floating in the middle of a small lake. My friend suddenly went into panic mode and started talking about living of the land, Tom Hanks in Castaway, cannibalism, and would anyone ever rescue us. I pointed out we could row back, or for that matter, get out and walk along the shore for twenty minutes to get home. I think that just made him panic more. I gave the engine one last kick and tried to start it, and shockingly it sprang to life and we were saved. Heading back to the town we were just on time for dinner and I was not even a bit hungry.

From New York to Tzfat

While in Tzfat last week I was walking though the artist’s colony, basically a narrow alleyway of galleries, shops and weary Israelis selling the tourists bracelets. As I was walking, I passed the store of a guy dressed in traditional Yemenite clothing and making lachoch, a type of pancake with tomatoes, peppers and hot sauce sprinkled on top. It was not the sight of food which made me hungry, but the incredible aroma wafting down the street. It smelled like a bit of heaven fallen into a pan. Even though I had eaten twenty minutes before, I had to stop in for some of what he was selling. The man was cheerfully greeting passing customers and offering them some traditional Yemenite food. I ordered a pancake with all the trimmings (easy on the hot sauce) and a delicious cup of iced lemon-mint drink.

While I was sitting in the store relaxing on the low sofas, I started to find out a bit more about the proprietor. He did not always live in Tzfat, or for that matter dress like he just walked out of Yemen. He grew up in Rishon L’Tzion and had a very normal and traditional Israeli life. Following the army, he got married and together with his wife decided to seek out the Israeli dream, life in America. He lived in New York for nearly a decade selling art and being moderately successful, living a comfortable lifestyle. I could not understand how someone who leaves Israel for the States and makes things work could ever possibly end up selling pancakes while wearing a robe and a funny hat in Tzfat. He told me that he has a friend who was tired of the lifestyle in Israel. He was sick of driving a beat up old car, having second hand things and yearned for the good life in the States. He set off to make his fortune in the US and for a while, things worked out great. He had a pretty good job, bought a relatively nice car, and he was satisfied with what he had. Over time, the guy began to notice that even though his car and home were a lot nicer than what he had in Israel, it still didn’t compare to what other people had in the States. While he had achieved a level of material success, he missed his friends and family back home in Israel, and eventually made the move back. When he returned, he saw that his friends beat up cars were now second hand as opposed to third or fourth, their houses were a bit bigger and overall people were happier with what they have. The guy then bought a fourth hand car and rented a small apartment and started over again. I guess the moral of the story is you can make money anywhere, and live anywhere, but the most important thing is to be happy with what you have. My Yemenite host continued to tell me that everyone in Israel might not be able to afford steaks, but pretty much everyone can afford a piece of chicken. In the States you might be able to afford more steak, but will probably have less friends dropping by for the BBQ.

I was struck by how happy this guy was. Its refreshing to see him, just doing his thing, living his life, and having the right goals. It was really nice to meet someone who finally found the thing they really wanted to be doing, and for the right reasons. He was not living in Tzfat for the money or the prestige, but found a place he is happy in, and doing a job which would seem crazy to most, but makes him, and his customers, happy. He told me he was not really sure about moving to Tzfat and selling pancakes when he was living in New York, but decided to humor his wife and try it for a year. That was ten years ago, and he is still doing what makes him happy today.

How to invite a chayal boded (lone soldier) for Passover

If you want to invite a chayal boded (a lone soldier who is doing his or her service in Israel without any family) for Passover, contact me for the army contact to get the process started. They will send you a form to fill out and upon approval you have guests for the seder. Its a really big mitzva and very interesting to meet soldiers who left home to serve in the army. You can request soldiers who speak English, French, Russian, Spanish and Hebrew.

A Must Read

Thinking about Shlav Bet? The good, the bad, the ugly: http://jonnydegani.livejournal.com/

More Shlav Bet pretty sounding PR

As this new article in the Jpost shows, the army loves to announce the great opportunities available to Shlav Bet. They seem to leave out the part which requires you to sign up for more time, in some cases years in order to serve in the soldiers field.

'Shlav Bet' soldiers to get better jobs By SHELLY PAZ, Jerusalem Post Dec 16, 2007

Immigrant soldiers serving in the IDF's Shlav Bet shortened service program will be assigned to technological and academic units that will utilize their professional skills, the army announced Sunday.

In addition, the army stressed that immigrant soldiers assigned to more desirable positions would be asked to serve for a longer period, extending their service to at least one year.

The IDF changed its policy toward Shlav Bet soldiers after a story in The Jerusalem Post published in August 2007 revealed that the IDF was not efficiently assigning skilled immigrant soldiers with academic degrees, work experience and high motivation to positions that would utilize their skills and education.

The standard Shlav Bet program, designed for new immigrants between the ages of 22 and 25 who are required to serve in the IDF, lasts from four to six months. The program includes basic training and an optional ulpan. The IDF's ulpan class, especially designed for new immigrants, spans two months and is taught by soldiers from the Education Corps. Olim who arrive after the age of 25 will not be allowed to volunteer for the program.

After the ulpan, the soldiers spend three months training for a variety of positions, including tractor and truck drivers, tank mechanics and artillerymen. The feeling among many new immigrant soldiers who fall into this category is that the IDF does not take their work experience and academic education into consideration when allocating army jobs, and does not invest in them because of the shortened period of military service.

Native Israeli men and immigrants who serve in the army before the age of 22 serve three years; women serve 18 months.

Some of the unsatisfied soldiers said they wished they had made aliya after the age of 25 to escape what they termed "useless" service in the army.

"Today, the army fights for every soldier against the private sector," a Shlav Bet soldier told Post military correspondent Yaakov Katz in August. "When it receives highly skilled and highly motivated resources, it should not waste them through bureaucratic inefficiency."

On Sunday, the IDF promised its new program would better utilize the professional skills the newly arrived soldiers bring with them, starting from the current Shlav Bet induction.

"According to this new policy, the recruits will participate in a seminar in which explanations on the IDF's needs and opportunities will be given to them," the IDF said. "Afterward, the soldiers will be interviewed for the available positions in technological units and will be assigned in accordance with their skills and professions."

Sergey Segal at tironout

This is us at night (shah tash) during basic training sitting around and doing a whole lot of not much before bedtime.

Check out this blog

I would highly recommend this blog written by a young woman who recently completed her military service. She goes by the name of Mad Zombie Hunter, and this is one of the only blogs about the craziness, fun, trials and tribulations in the IDF which made me laugh out loud. Not just smile, but laugh so hard I thought I was going to have an accident. I have an extremely different and much more optimistic outlook on army life, hearing it from the other side was very refreshing and entertaining. Starting from the bottom post and basic training to the top and getting out of the army, its a wild ride, and an insight into what people are sometimes really thinking.

Check it out at http://www.poe-news.com/forums/sfs.php?fi=U9407

Black vs Srugie

From the Jerusalem Post:

Aug 10, 2007 8:42 | Updated Aug 10, 2007 8:42
Haredi rabbis in IDF fear replacement
By JPOST.COM STAFF

Haredi rabbis in the IDF rabbinate are concerned that the army wants to replace them with rabbis from the national religious sector, Israel Radio reported on Friday.

The rabbis say the haredi presence in the military rabbinate is decreasing, and that there is a growing tendency to prepare national-religious officers for the rabbinate.

According to one IDF source, the fact that priority is given to rabbis coming from fighting units rather than haredi yeshivot could cause a rift between those yeshivot and the army.

The report also said the number of rabbis taking the army's officer's course has doubled in the past year, and even tripled in comparison to previous years. The rabbis receive the rank of lieutenant following the course.

The IDF said in response to the report that the number of rabbis pressed into officer positions due to a shortage of reservist rabbis has grown, and added that the army respects every rabbi as-is and will continue to encourage the service of haredi officers.


> There are so many things that are wrong with this, I dont know where to start. Oy.

Training Day

Before joining the army, I was curious, nervous and very excited. I had no idea what was going to happen, and put a lot of irrational fear and over thinking into what it would be like. I researched, checked blogs, scoured the internet, and finally built what I thought was an accurate portrayal of the army in my head. I realized I had no idea what was going to happen when I walked into Ricochet with my friend Josh and ordered everything on my extensive list, a combination of suggestions I had read on the internet, the army’s checklist, and something from the Jewish Agency. I got things I never used, but it’s still good to have some random piece of kit in your bag, just in case. I try to make my motto “always be prepared”, and while I am not much of a boy scout, having a safety pin in your pocket can be real handy sometimes. Leading up to the army, I think I watched Full Metal Jacket way too many times; it really made me expect something altogether different than what actually happened. When we got our rifles for the first time, someone did start singing “this is my rifle, this is my gun” which was an ongoing joke for the English speaking guys during basic training. Everywhere during basic someone was quoting that movie, or someone rattling on about gumbo or Vietnam ala Forrest Gump. In many ways, basic training was a lot like summer camp with guns with a few small differences. Lots of long days, plenty of running around, formations, tons of food, constant snacks, great friends, and plenty of small annoyances. I found it critical to think positive, and looking back I think I had a great time. One of my teammates told me I did a lot of grumbling and always wanted more information about what is coming next. I did remember not being very happy with the first couple weeks and not knowing what was going to happen, eventually we had a posted schedule of the weeks’ activities.

I recently showed a friend who is a former US Marine my pictures from basic and he said he was shocked we looked like we were having a good time. He said “It looks like summer camp, in the Corps they were actually like in the movies”. I love it that in Israel the point of the army is not exclusively to make you the best soldier you can be, they are always thinking about what comes next and how to make you the best civilian you can be. The trips to cultural, national and religious attractions I have gone on in the army have only reinforced how important the country is to the army, and the soldiers who serve in it.

Getting back to basic, I did have tons of questions, I wanted to understand every aspect of the army, and how everything worked. I got to know the term “sheylat kitbag” or kitbag question quite well. It refers to a more or less obvious and idiotic question you pulled out of your army duffle bag that you were saving from when you joined the army. The response to this type of question is also used when the NCO has no idea what the answer is and wants to make something up. For example, our rifles during basic training were long M16’s from the Vietnam era, older than pretty much anyone on the base. One of the NCOs told us that the reason there was a picture of a horse engraved on the side of the gun is because the Colt Company used to be a toy manufacturer. The story goes that they decided to make rifles since it proved to be more profitable than making toys. My friend and I volunteered to research the topic and provide some factual information about the M16, Colt, and the origins of the modern rifle. We went through all the information Wikipedia had on the subject, and came up with a great briefing. During our “camping out” time around the shooting ranges, the entire team sat around in a circle and we shared the story of the M16, from when it was developed post WWII to today.

The army in general is a relaxed place. Soldiers call each other bro, and soldiers address officers by their first name. Saluting is usually reserved for ceremonies and training, everyone is always ready to do what they have to do if required. I love it that people are always so in touch with the folks back home, coming home weekends, constantly on the phone, and always planning weekend activities. Service here is all about making friends, doing a great job, serving the country, and really being a part of something special.

Schwartz and the mega-super-ultra-stupendous ice cream sundae

I got an email a couple days ago from someone asking for another Schwartz story, so here is one from way back in the day. Since my memory is not really all that great, this story is how I best recollect things. This means that this story may be completely different than how it happened, or an elaborated version of real events.

Schwartz and the mega-super-ultra-stupendous ice cream sundae

We were once hanging out in downtown Toronto, enjoying a nice day strolling around the busy streets. I don’t remember what we were doing down there, except it was a rather warm day and there were plenty of birds chirping. Walking into a nearby mall, we walked around and window shopped, Schwartz looked at the clothing and accessories stores, while I carefully perused the computer and gadget places. After a while, Schwartz told me he was in the mood for something, something cold and delicious. Unaware of what he could be referring to, we continued to ramble, until we happened upon an ice cream stand. Schwartz’s eyes lit up and I thought of my Dad saying “make sure your big eyes match your stomach”. It was hard to take in the multitude of flavors and options; there was just so much milky goodness. I decided on one of my all time favorites, a scoop of daiquiri ice, which is a strange tasting pale green sorbet. I was also eyeing the tiger tail, another favorite of mine. It made up of orange sherbet filled with swirls of melted black licorice and quite a good contrast. My usual third option is my fallback plan, French vanilla. If it was not for the fact I was lactose intolerant, I would be eating a whole lot more of plain vanilla ice cream.

Getting back to Schwartz, he was thinking about going for the mega-super-ultra-stupendous ice cream sundae. This amazing sundae contained everything a mega-super-ultra-stupendous ice cream treat should, a dozen huge scoops of ice cream, a split banana, peaks of whip cream, all topped off by sprinkles, nuts and of course, cherries. I don’t think in the history of the ice cream shack had someone actually ordered a mega-super-ultra-stupendous ice cream, and the woman at the counter asked twice to make sure this is what he really, really wanted. Confirming that he really did want a mega-super-ultra-stupendous ice cream treat, could pay for it, and would probably eat several, the nervous counter woman started to scoop the ice cream. I think she may have felt a little guilty, since it’s like someone going in to a store and asking for a thousand corn beef sandwiches, they just have to make sure you don’t want to just put an end to everything. After all, who hasn’t heard of death by chocolate? Scoop by scoop the ice cream started piling up in the enormous sundae dish. I lost count of how many there were, first came the plain vanilla scoops followed by chocolate. Jamaican chocolate rum, cookie dough, fudge, maple walnut, strawberry cream, cookies and cream, cream and cookies and many, many more followed. Once the ice cream was arranged just so on the tray, an entire can of whipped cream, or several thousand calories worth, followed. From the forests of Brazil rained hundred of various nuts, closely followed by a rainbow of sprinkles and candy bits. Not to be outdone, several scoops of crushed cookie were liberally applied, and to top it all off, enough cherries to, well, enough cherries. The mega-super-ultra-stupendous ice cream sundae was all its name said it would be, and a lot more. After waiting patiently as this stupendous ice cream concoction was created, Schwartz dug in with gusto.

I won’t go into detail about what happened next, suffice it to say he stared the sundae in the eye, and it didn’t blink. Since that day, I think about projectile vomiting in a whole new way. The lesson to learn here is, if the ice cream is mega-super-ultra-stupendous, just walk away and leave it alone before it comes looking for you.

Making it in Israel (my heroes)

I guess in a way it was easy for me to start a new adventure in Israel. After I went to the dig in 2005, I had a house to go to, knew people on my Moshav, and felt like I had a place here. Despite being an outsider, not really speaking Hebrew, not knowing all that many people who still lived here, I still had somewhere to go home to. During the last couple years, I went to Ulpan, joined the army, went digging, and put together all the pieces of my life. Thinking back, I guess I really had it easy. Even though my house didn’t have windows when I arrived and was undergoing a huge renovation, and I spent a couple months sleeping in a tent and sleeping bag, because we didn’t have windows yet, I still didn’t have to pay rent or feel pressured to make things work.

My heroes are my friends who I see slogging it out on a daily basis to make the dream of aliyah work. Its hard to impossible to stay in Israel without adapting and integrating, things made much harder while putting themselves through school, working and always juggling a dozen things. The fact that they pull it off is a huge inspiration to me, it really shows that with effort, determination and desire, you can accomplish anything. I have such enormous respect for the people who are making a go of it with their best foot forward, I think that a couple years of struggling, directed in the right direction can pay off with huge dividends later on in life. Maybe an Oleh without that initial struggle doesn’t really understand what it’s like to truly be Israeli and is still living in tourist mode. Deciding you’re going to go ahead with making the radical change of coming to Israel, and making it work no matter what is amazing. It really makes you part of the whole, like it says in the Salach Shabati movie, “I may have it hard now, but just wait till I am the old hand and new people come to Israel, I am totally going to have fun with them”. Before you know it you become a real part of society and are a major part of making it better.

Kol Hakavod.

Utopia in a fortune cookie

Confucius from the "The Wisdom of Confucius"

"When things are investigated, then true knowledge is achieved;

when true knowledge is achieved, then the will becomes sincere;

when the will becomes sincere, then the heart sees correctly;

when the heart sees correctly, then the personal life is cultivated;

when the personal life is cultivated, then the family life is regulated;

when the family life is regulated, then the national life is orderly;

and when the national life is orderly, then there is peace in this world."

Finally, some changes to Shlav Bet!

From Jpost

Aug. 3, 2007 1:45 | Updated Aug. 3, 2007 15:34
IDF revamping 'Shlav Bet' for new olim
By YAAKOV KATZ

Under pressure from new immigrants and in an effort to encourage aliya and better utilize its human resources, the IDF is in the final stages of revamping its Shlav Bet program for immigrant men who join the army in their mid-20s and plans to begin tailoring jobs for those from Western countries, The Jerusalem Post has learned.

The new plan, the brainchild of OC Human Resources Maj.-Gen. Elazar Stern, is designed to better utilize immigrants who arrive in Israel at an age at which they can still serve in the IDF. The program is a joint effort with the Immigrant Absorption Ministry, which plans to advertise the initiative on its Web site and in target communities in the West.

In the meantime, the Post has learned of a group of new immigrants currently serving in Shlav Bet who, lamenting that they were wasting much of their time and could perform more useful service, sent a proposal including a number of key recommendations on Thursday to Prime Minister Ehud Olmert, Defense Minister Ehud Barak and to IDF Chief of General Staff Lt.-Gen. Gabi Ashkenazi.

Shlav Bet is a service track designed for new immigrants aged 22 to 25. It consists of six months of military service including basic training, an optional Hebrew ulpan and then a course that trains the soldiers to fill a variety of positions - including as tractor drivers, tank mechanics, artillery operators and truck drivers. On average, the IDF holds two Shlav Bet drafts a year consisting of some 200 recruits.

Following the drop in the number of immigrants to Israel and a simultaneous increase in the number of immigrants coming from Western countries such as the United States, France and Great Britain, the IDF decided to revamp the program and instead of "throwing" soldiers into jobs while ignoring their degrees and work experience, the army will now work to find personally-tailored jobs for the new recruits.

"The makeup of new olim today has changed," a senior officer in the IDF Human Resources Department told the Post Thursday. "We are aware of this and are working to make the necessary changes so we can better utilize the soldiers and their skills."

In their own proposal sent out this week, the Shlav Bet soldiers bring two examples of soldiers who came to Israel highly motivated and with advanced degrees but spent their military service cleaning gardens in various military bases. One soldier had a degree in international relations from Oxford University and had worked in the British Parliament. He asked to serve in the IDF's Strategic Planning Division but instead spent months cleaning Northern Command headquarters in Safed.

"We came to Israel to serve in the army and contribute," a Shlav Bet soldier told the Post. "But instead we are doing absolutely nothing and we, as a human resource, are being wasted."

Fearing a drop in aliya numbers, the IDF is planning to interview all recruits for the next Shlav Bet draft, scheduled for December, prior to their enlistment and to try to find them jobs that suit their qualifications.

This week, the IDF signed up a new immigrant with an engineering degree from MIT to a three-year service in the air force. It does not, however, promise to replicate anything like that for Shlav Bet soldiers. And if a Shlav Bet recruit would like to serve in a more serious job according to his/her qualifications, he or she would need to sign on for an extended military service of at least one to two years.

Jobs will be found "according to the degrees and qualifications the recruits come with," an officer said. "We are looking for people with degrees in exact science, engineering and international relations. If someone comes with a degree in fitness or sports, we may not be able to make use of that."

Breakfast

This morning while walking though the mall in Be’er Sheva, I passed one of my favorite shwarma stands. Since it was 8:45am, they were just setting up, putting out the salads and preparing for a bust day in the mall. Since I was hungry, and would probably miss lunch at the base, I decided to grab a quick bite, perhaps a pita with some salads. The owner of the shwarma joint, recognizing me, shouted out a cheery “good morning!” and the usual follow-up “what can I get you?”. I told him I was thinking about something light, maybe a pita with salad, and he gave me a dirty look. “Listen soldier,” he said “when I was your age in the army, I would eat meat the second I woke up till the second I went to bed”. I explained that not only was it a bit early to be eating roasted shwarma, but I was afraid if it was undercooked, it would kill me. He explained that a real man ordered shwarma in the morning and had it grilled, making sure it was perfect to eat. My manhood having been called into question, I took him up on his offer and had a wonderful, if slightly burnt shwarma for breakfast. I guess this is another small step to being a true Israeli….

Shlav Bet considerations

I am going to eventually get around to writing down everything that happened during Shlav Bet, but it seems that I never have any time these days... I have recently gotten a bunch of emails from guys thinking about going to shlav bet, wondering what the options are, etc. If you're considering it, wondering what its like, or have any questions, get in touch with me, I am happy to help you get on your adventure or put you in touch with someone that can. There are tons of people doing everything and anything in the army right now, with the right hookup, you can get sorted out.

Some things to think about...

1. Figure out what interests you and what your options are
2. Think about how much time you can commit, is doing whatever they offer you for six months a better idea than signing on for longer to do something you want to do?
3. Are you interested in being a combat soldier, tomech lichimah (combat support) or jobnick? See here for the differences.
4. Do you want to learn more Hebrew and try to become more Israeli or find a job where you can use your English (or other) language skills?
   
5. Try to arrange interviews even before you get into the army
6. Everything is possible, but at what type of commitment? Are you willing to put in the time needed to do something different?
   
7. Try to stay positive, smile, and embrace your experience, its going to be a great experience once you get through the bureaucratic mess, putting the right spin on things is the only way to get the most out of the short time youre going to be in the army.
   
8. Do you speak enough Hebrew, or do you need an ulpan? (before or during the army...)
9. Being even a bit older and more mature than the average soldier gives you a big advantage, make sure the army knows it.
10. How often and what type of millium (reserve duty) will you do?
11. Will you be using your education/background in your army service? Do you want to get into a special unit?
12. Do you have religious considerations? Do you know what the options are? What types of options would you consider? (this topic is a whole conversation on its own)
13. How do you feel about serving close to home vs somewhere more interesting
    

All the best in the army, its an amazing experience!